There is something powerful about the words spoken in Bible when Jesus says, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind,” and then follows it with, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Those last two words matter more than many of us realize: “as yourself.” Why is this important and what are we reminded of in Matthew 22:37–39?
There is a connection with loving others and loving ourselves. Yet so many of us have spent years believing that self-love was selfish, prideful, or unnecessary.
Lessons We Learned
Some of us were taught to pour endlessly into everyone else while ignoring our own emotional wounds, exhaustion, and sadness. We learned how to survive while secretly feeling unworthy, overlooked, and disconnected from ourselves. We became comfortable giving grace to everyone around us while criticizing the woman in the mirror. But God never asked us to hate ourselves in order to love others well.
What is self-love?
Self-love is not arrogance. It is not believing we are better than anyone else. It is understanding that we were created with value, purpose, and worth. It is speaking to ourselves with kindness instead of cruelty. It is allowing ourselves to rest without guilt. It is choosing not to stay connected to environments and people who constantly damage our peace, confidence, and emotional well-being.
When we love ourselves unconditionally, we stop begging for acceptance from people who benefit from our insecurity. We stop shrinking to make others comfortable. We stop allowing people to convince us that boundaries are wrong simply because our boundaries no longer allow them unlimited access to us.
Attentiveness to Connections
That is why it is important to pay attention anytime someone challenges the healthy way we love ourselves. Not every opinion deserves space in our hearts. If someone becomes angry because we are healing, setting boundaries, resting, growing, or finally seeing our worth, we have to honestly ask ourselves an important question: What benefit did they receive from the version of us that lacked self-love?
That question may feel uncomfortable, but it reveals a lot.
Some connections are healthy and supportive. Those people celebrate our growth. They encourage us to take care of ourselves emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically. They do not punish us for choosing peace. They do not shame us for protecting our hearts. They understand that a healthy relationship should never require us to abandon ourselves.
Other connections survive only when we are emotionally drained, insecure, overextending ourselves, or constantly proving our worth. Those relationships often become threatened when we begin loving ourselves in a healthier way. Suddenly, our “no” becomes a problem. Our confidence becomes intimidating. Our healing becomes inconvenient.
A Lesson from Jesus!
Jesus never taught us to destroy ourselves for the comfort of others. Loving our neighbors “as ourselves” suggests that there should already be care, compassion, and value within how we see ourselves. We cannot continuously pour from an empty place and expect to feel emotionally healthy.
Self-love allows us to show up differently in life. We communicate better. We choose healthier relationships. We recognize when something is harming our peace. We stop attaching our worth to rejection, comparison, or performance. We begin understanding that we deserve the same gentleness we so freely give away to others.
Today, give yourself permission to love who you are without shame. Speak kindly to yourself. Protect your peace. Honor your healing. And never allow someone to make you feel guilty for loving yourself in a way that brings you closer to emotional freedom, confidence, and peace.
You are worthy of unconditional love too.
With Love & Care,
Dr. Monica
#love2life
