“Your Posture will support your Potential to be in Position to Prosper for His Purpose.” Dr. Monica Debro
There are numerous reasons a person uses silence. Examples of silence include praying, thinking, reflecting, observing, or controlling. Whatever the reason is, silence can be beneficial or detrimental to a relationship.
Praying does not require us to be bowed down on our knees, laying prostrate, or with our hands lifted. We can pray and the person next to us does not have an inkling of an idea that we’re praying. While you may think the person sitting next to you in a meeting is disengaged, he/she may be praying. Whether standing at a bus station, boarding an airplane, or getting on an elevator, someone is praying. No matter what environment we are in, silence allows us time to pray and seek God for peace, forgiveness, discernment, comfort, healing, direction, and a myriad of other reasons. The environment can be loud and boisterous or quiet and calm. A person sitting in silence may be using the moment to talk to the One who knows all and is all.
Hannah prayed in silence. She wasn’t concerned about what others said about her. Hannah knew that she needed to be in silence and pray to the Father. Eli assumed that she had been drinking when it was the total opposite because she was sober in mind and knew that God was the one who could answer her prayer.
Think it Through
Silence is necessary when after we’ve prayed, we need to think things through regarding a decision that needs to be made. It allows time to determine the best path to take, who needs to be involved, and what resources & support are needed. When we think things through, we can also identify positive and negative outcomes. We can project our potential wins and losses.
Just as we think things through, we often take time to reflect. Self-reflection is necessary for personal growth and requires silence. I can’t imagine anyone who does not take the time for self-reflection. We all experience moments of being on the mountain top and in the lows of the valley. Whether we are on the mountain top or in the valley, it is important for us to find a quiet environment to assess, meditate on and evaluate what we have done, gone through, and how we see ourselves. I encourage you to use this time to journal your thoughts and identify what went well and what needs to change. This allows us to make the necessary adjustments for improvements.
Hopefully, you are an observer who sits in silence and watches the behavior, character, and communication of others. I like to do this when I’m in a new setting—work environment, networking event, group vacations, and any time that I am going to be around a group of people for specific amounts of time. One of my reasons for doing this is to determine who in the group is the “chatterbox” #gossiper. This is the person I am aware of not to share personal conversations. When we observe, we can determine who the complainer is and not get entangled in their negativity. Another reason is to identify the person who is at a higher level than you and can increase your knowledge. This is the individual I want to connect and collaborate with because Iron Sharpens Iron (Proverbs 27:17).
On the negative aspect, silence can be used as a form of control in a relationship. Giving someone the silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse. Not addressing the issue instead of talking it out increases stress and frustration. It can lead to feelings of loneliness and doubt about where they stand in the relationship. There is a difference in needing to take time to gather your thoughts and calm down after a negative incidence. This allows both parties to become “level-headed” and decrease the opportunity for the conversation to be argumentative and confrontational. The door is open for a calm crucial conversation that allows both people to share openly with the goal of having effective communication to resolve the issue.
Establish a timeframe for how long you all will take to “cool down” or “gather your thoughts” before coming together for an open and transparent discussion. Going to bed without talking, brings division in the relationship. You might think it doesn’t, but it does something to the person that is being ignored, controlled, and emotionally abused.
When the silent treatment is used as a form of control, the individual may ignore their partner for hours, days, or weeks. Knowing full well they are hurting the person, they choose to punish with silence and ultimately manipulate the situation.
Call to Action when he/she is being silent.
- Have your own hobbies. Don’t be so “caught up” in the relationship that you lose a sense of who you are and what you like to do. Get active to get energized.
- Avoid perusing social media. This can cause more harm than good. You need your mind to be on something positive and not on the images others what to portray about their lives.
- Continue to connect with family and friends. Plan a last-minute outing to do something fun.
- Take yourself on a date. Have a mini spa day and get a manicure and pedicure.
- Go to the park and read a book.
- Go for a walk, pray, and soak in some vitamin D.
- Establish boundaries and ask yourself: “Is it time to leave the relationship? Is this something that you can deal with by staying in the relationship if he/she doesn’t change?”
- Be honest with yourself and make an informed decision.
Once you’ve made a decision based on the last two bullet points above, determine your next steps. Is he/she willing to make the necessary adjustments to improve communication in the relationship and avoid using the silent treatment? Your mental health should not be challenged as a result of being the receiver of the silent treatment. Your mental health deserves peace, comfort, and love. You are worthy to be loved to life!
When I first wrote Broken Believer No More, I said “this will make for a good movie.” Even then, I was Believing in My Dreams. Love Yourself to Life wasn’t a concept in 2015, but after I went through my healing journey, God taught me how to love myself to life.
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalms 147:3 Love Yourself to Life has been a life-changer and will soon be a TV show on the Believe In Your Dreams Television Network airing on Amazon fireTV, Roku TV, Apple TV, BNJ TV, and Mini TV.
I’m very excited about the guests who have already been scheduled to be on the television show and about the contract that’ll be signed next week. #epic Words cannot begin to explain how excited I am about the opportunities that have been afforded to me and the direction in which Love Yourself to Life is going.
Written by Laura Carter and Monica Debro
Change, it’s going to happen whether we want it to or not. There are times that change is good and other times that we wish something better could’ve happened. We can plan dates, times, seasons, and reasons to make things different in our lives.
No matter what your present circumstances may be, they are subject to change. Go outside and look at what you see, feel, and hear. Then go back outside in six hours. You will notice various changes. It’s the same thing with our lives and the things around us. The weather outside will continue its designed path no matter what the plan is for our daily routine. The news announcer will report what the predicted weather will be for the next seven day and if happening, the path of a storm. We may adjust our outside activities according to the report. This may include putting on a jacket, rain boots, pants instead of shorts (or vice versa), a scarf, hat, or whatever adjustment we need to make based on the weather outside. If we are paying close attention, we take extra items based on how the weather may change while we are out and about during our day.[Read more…]
I specifically remember being away from home for a workshop in November 2019. As I was packing to leave, I’d made plans to work on my 2020 vision book during the downtime in my hotel room. I gathered my vision book that I keep adding pages to each year and all the necessary supplies and magazines that I would need. There was a level of excitement as I thought about what I wanted to accomplish in 2020 and all the great things that would happen. I was ready!
On the first evening of the workshop, I laid out the supplies and started cutting words and pictures from the magazine. I was strategic in making sure that I added goals that would be challenging. You may have heard the quote “If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you” Fred DeVito. I wanted to be challenged and changed. I didn’t want things to stay the same in my personal and professional lives. I wanted to be better, to feel better, to do better.[Read more…]
We all make lists for one reason or another. Shopping. Groceries. Errands. Home. Businesses. Work. Family. Friends. Packing. Cooking. Lists for the list—LOL. And at the current moment—Christmas lists that go on and one into the late hours of the night. With these lists and more, have you made a self-care list?
Taking care of others and people-pleasing can easily cause burnout and deflate the ability to experience authentic happiness. There are many reasons why it is important to be consistent in practicing self-care.
- Promotes positive feelings
- Helps to focus on the future
- Allows for quality reflection
- Maintains self-confidence
- Decrease stress
- Increases resilience
- Brings a level of happiness
- Rejuvenates inner thoughts and well-being
- Increases the ability to focus and complete tasks
- Keeps you motivated
- Improves happiness, thought process, and decision-making
- Increases the ability to be patient with others
- Demonstrates saying YES to YOU as you LOVE YOURSELF TO LIFE!
Self-care prevents us from pouring from “not enough” after we’ve given our all to others. When we don’t rejuvenate ourselves, it decreases our abilities to genuinely be available for others. When not genuinely available, one can find himself/herself simply going through the motions to make it through the moment and day.
A few examples to practice self-care include:
- Getting enough rest
- Healthy eating
- Drink plenty of water
- Positive self-talk and affirmations
- Maintaining a manageable schedule
- Delegating to others—you can’t do it all
- Annual physical exams
- Ladies—Monthly Self-Breast Exam (link to how to perform below) and
Annual Well-Woman Exam
- Men—Monthly Self-Breast Exam (yes, men should be doing this as well) and Annual Physical—including prostate exam if included depending on age and family history
- Ladies—Monthly Self-Breast Exam (link to how to perform below) and
- Get dressed when you go out of the house. Please, please don’t go out in pajamas, wrinkled clothes, and hair not combed. Always be presentable because you never know who you’ll see.
- Releasing yourself from toxic relationships. Toxic relationships are draining and will take away any excitement, energy, and effort to be around the person(s).
- Develop and practice healthy boundaries.
- Forgiving others—not for them, but for you.
- Don’t lose yourself in a relationship. Maintain your own identity and continue doing things that bring happiness.
- Take yourself out on a date. During COVID-19, that may be a stay-at-home date. Have food delivered, choose a movie or playlist, get dressed, and enjoy time alone.
- When you feel it’s safe, take some time to go on a vacation. Whether it is driving somewhere or flying, travel, and go someplace new. A getaway for a few days is refreshing.
- Take a day to just do nothing. No computer. No cleaning. No shopping. Just rest and relax. I’m still working on this myself.
- Learning to use the short answer of “No.” By the way, a “no” answer doesn’t require an explanation.
- Step away from difficult tasks to allow time to refocus.
- Changing your environment when things get overwhelming or stressful. Examples include—turning off the television, playing calming music, burning candles, dimming the lights (if possible), going for a walk, aromatherapy, sitting quietly to meditate, or journaling.
- Create a home spa for relaxation
- Clean and declutter your home
- Take a break from social media
Healthcare professionals, as we provide care to others, it is equally important that we take time to nourish our bodies and minds. When was the last time you had quality time for self-care? Do you practice self-care by taking the required lunch break? This will allow time for you to step away and recharge. The people we serve need us to be healthy, happy, and whole. Have you had a massage lately? If not, what excuses are you making? Not enough time. Forgetting to make an appointment. I guarantee someone reading this has a spa gift card that hasn’t been used. Wow! I just remembered that I have one tucked away that hasn’t been used for self-care. Making an appointment tomorrow!
If you’re an entrepreneur, have you made a self-care list to prevent yourself to keep from getting overloaded as you continue to grow your business? I’ll say it again, the people we’re serving need us to be healthy, happy, and whole.
All-in-all, self-care is necessary to keep a balance in all areas; physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and financial. This may require not doing some things to focus on self-care. Why? Because YOU ARE WORTH IT!